Where are the Tears?

12 thoughts to ease your fears about letting teardrops fall.


I never expected a diagnosis of Cancer. I was completely blindsided. That day in February – the day before valentine’s day, Dr. O called. “Is your husband at home with you?”

That could mean only one thing, bad news. “Colon cancer.” A simply stated fact, delivered like a package by the UPS Guy.

I accepted the package. After all, it’s not like there was a choice.

But what was strange, was the calm I felt. No wailing sadness. No stifling grief. No blazing anger or crippling fear.

“How come I’m not freaking out?” My psychologist smiled in response to my question. She was not the least disturbed by my calmness and lack of tears.

“I’m okay,” I told my friends and relatives . . . and I meant it.

My brain had automatically translated Dr. O’s words into stark, clinical facts. It must have.

I thought that in the days to come, reality would kick in, that fear and grief and sadness would come, and with them the tears that everyone around me (including myself) seemed to be expecting.

My rational mind was telling me I should cry – it is good to cry. But I kept asking, why should I cry? What on earth should I cry about?

Maybe I should cry because I don’t like having cancer with all its associated symptoms and complications.

Maybe I should cry to assure myself that I really have acknowledged this latest defect in my body.

Maybe I should cry so that I can adequately grieve my loss.

In the mirror, on the face staring back at me there is no sign of the missing tears, only the calmness you feel when you know the Almighty’s got your back.

I’ve never thought of myself as emotionally repressed – quite the opposite, so I’ve now  given myself permission to cry. Let’s see what happens.

Here are 12 thoughts I think would ease fears about letting the teardrops fall.

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Author: Juliette

A graduate of The University of Louisville, Juliette holds an M.Ed. and has been a teacher for over 35 years, specializing in Language arts, Reading and Math. She received two life-saving liver transplants in 2005 and now lives happily with her husband of 19 years in Louisville, Kentucky.

8 thoughts on “Where are the Tears?”

  1. “only the calmness you feel when you know the Almighty’s got your back”. Awesome!! As I sit here reading your blogs Juliette, I am so inspired by your strength and grace as you go through these valley moments. As I thought of your grace, the words from this song came into my heart “Grace, grace, God’s grace
    Grace that will pardon and cleanse within,
    Grace, grace, God’s grace, grace that is greater than all our sins…”
    Continue to stay in God’s grace, woman of God, Blessings!

    1. Blessings to you too Fay. I have to admit that most often I don’t feel very strong at all and it is only through HIM that I manage to get to the brighter side. I wish I knew the song you mention.

  2. I used to be very concerned about crying for others to see. I now no longer fight to hold back tears, I just let them flow. Let people think what they like. I always feel better afterwards and God has heard my heart whether I’m happy or sad . My tears will flow.

    1. I admire that. I still get uncomfortable about making others uncomfortable. I really need to get over it.

  3. Another remarkable post. Here’s are a few words to a song that came to mind after reading your post. ” There’s a sweet sweet spirit in this place.” I’ll change the last two words to “your space”.

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